food for thought

I've decided to rethink this whole blogging thing. When I started this, it was an experiment- I had discovered a few fashion blogs that I really liked, and wanted to see if I could do it too. I loved the idea of becoming internationally renowned for my style and online persona. And I like the idea of documenting my life or my style and having it out there for people to find and hopefully relate with or learn from, but it's exhausting trying to keep up with other bloggers and taking pictures every day and making sure that I sound like myself. And balancing all that with my new lifestyle as a college student has been basically impossible this past month. I hate feeling pressured to update regularly and with meaningful content - even though I'm pretty sure that maybe three people read this, if I'm lucky, whereas the blogs I read have at least 500 "followers" each and probably double that number of readers total... but then again, that whole "lucky" thing... I don't really need 1000, or even 500, or 20 readers, especially recently, when my posts have felt so forced and one-dimensional. It shouldn't matter to me whether anyone reads this at all, and what should matter to me is that I am expressing myself accurately and joyfully.

One thing that I realize I could do in order to probably "gain" more "followers" is to comment on other peoples' blogs - take that next step and become more active in the blogosphere or whatever. But I can't decide if I really want to get sucked into that, anyway. I want to live my live mainly off of the computer, you know? Anyway, I feel like I'd be out of my league if I tried to develop "friendships" with my favorite bloggers via the internet, even though I know that really, they are just everyday normal people too. I don't know! I feel more like an adoring fan than an equal compared to some of them. And that kind of sucks.

I don't know what exactly to write about here, or if it even serves a purpose now that I have discovered how much less pressuring I find tumblr. I probably won't post very much else until I figure out exactly how and when and why I am going to use this and what I want out of it and what will satisfy me at the end of the day.