Decade

(Xhilaration faux leather bomber jacket, GAP tan cowl, fuzzy vest, and gray cardigan, Dad's undershirt, American Apparel leggings, thrifted necklace; Champion fur-lined snow boots, not pictured)

Since I got home from school the days and nights have all started to blur and overlap. I don't like the way time is slipping by so fast, but I lack the motivation to change my habits, and continue to sleep when I'm tired and stay up till the next morning. My dad says I'll ruin my health but what he doesn't realize is that I've been living like this since college started, just not getting as much sleep as I do now. It's a mystery to me how I was able to wake up and function at 8am a month ago.

I have so many goals and ideas for the New Year but I'm too lazy to even write them here right now. I have a hazy idea of who I want to be; how I want to change, and what of my previous self I want to keep, but it is easier to sit, and sleep, and look at pictures of people online who already have "done things" with their lives than formulate a plan that will enable me to do the same. And what's most frustrating is that I feel like some very fundamental aspects of myself have come undone a little or have even reversed themselves entirely. What am I supposed to do with these new ideas and feelings? I feel like a stereotypical teenager, but it's true: in attempting to "find myself," I have gotten myself more lost than I was before.